As of today i am stopping writing this blog. It is taking up to much of my time and my personal life is suffering because of it. I do not feel the need to explain more. I can still be contacted via e-mail if you really want to get a hold of me.
Enjoy your life,
-Bryce D
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086979/
I am a huge fan of anything Coen Brothers, Joel Coen and Ethan Coen. I have yet to see all of their work, but it something I have been working on for a while. And this was their first film. I was amazed with it from start to finish and I can easily see why they are still around to this day.
To start off there is several points in the film where the music drives the scene. And not like it goes along with it, it’s such a creepily airy tone to the music that it starts to make your heart pound, even after being over 25 years old. It really gives an amazing feel to the movie.
The other thing that stood out to me was the incredible attention to detail. It was uncanny. They were so into detail that in one scene, one of the actors had fly on his face, and during the many cuts on his face and someone else’s, there was still a fly there. And that’s just the icing on the cake. If you are not watching this movie with incredible attention to the small details there might actually be a few things that you overlook. But the main ones are usually explained shortly after.
Now watching an older movie you tend to see quite a few actors that have made it big since then, and Frances McDormand is one of those actors. This was actually her first film as well but it sent her off to an incredible career.
I really have never been into a film this much in a long time. The intro was a little slow, but the last half of the movie more than made up for the slow start. From pretty much the half-way point on I was completely enthralled in the film.
All in all this is a pretty damn good film. It’s not for everyone, but if you do watch it I suggest you get to the half-way point before you think about turning it off.
Base Score = 8
+1 for an amazing story
-2 for a really slow beginning
+1 for music that really set the mood
=8/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096928/
I can’t honestly tell you the number of times I have watched this movie and forgotten all about it all over again. It seems that every time I end up watching it I forget about a lot of things that happen in the movie, and not just small things here and there, but even crucial points to the story. So every once in a while it’s like watching a brand new movie. Just like this time around.
Basically its about 2 idiots that are somehow crucial to the timeline of the future, and Geroge Carlin has to send himself back in time to where Bill, Alex Winter, and Ted, Keanu Reeves, are so that they can save their own timeline.
So Bill and Ted use this telephone booth time machine and go through time collecting famous people and get them all compiled together so that they can have a great presentation at school so that they both pass the class and don’t get separated from each other. I don’t know about you but that’s almost the most brutal bromance ever (The first of course being Brokeback Mountain).
Now I fucking hate Keanu Reeves with a passion, but this was before he was big, so his ego is noticeably lower and he actually plays the part more than convincing enough to be a dumbass. Then again he has never really been that smart, so for all we really know, he’s not actually acting.
The music was actually quite a good mix between metal/rock/classic. It was actually done so well that you don’t really notice it; it just makes the scene a little bit better each time.
The other thing that caught me off guard was how well the famous characters of history played their parts. They were at times more convincing than Reeves and Winter were. It was weird to see a non-main character actually be convincing t the point where you actually thought that it could easily have been that character from history.
All in all I enjoyed it and I will watch it again some time, but I think the sequel will be in my future here shortly.
Base Score = 6.5
-1 for Keanu Reeves
+1 for good music
+1 for convincing acting all around
=7.5/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124819/
Yes, that’s right. I went there. I went and watched Orgazmo. From the creaters of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone they give us an interesting view on the world of porno. Now the last time I watched it I was in High School and I remember laughing so hard that it hurt. Well it turns out that my taste in humor has changed, but don’t get me wrong, it’s still hilarious, but I didn’t walk away with a sore stomach.
The story is actually kind of genius in its simplicity. A Mormon needs money to get married in a huge church and as he’s going around door knocking he eventually gets to a porno directors house. He offers him 20 grand if he films the next porno, to which he reluctantly agrees to do it, as long as he doesn’t have to stick his cock in anyone. They call this a stunt cock, and it becomes a pretty good running joke through the rest of the movie. That’s about the most basic I can tell you without ruining it.
Now what I should have seen coming, was that what happens with any porno, or any movie that involves porno? Ron Jeremy happens. And he made quite an appearance. The thing was that it was even convincing at points. I was also looking at his profile on IMDb and was amazed that he has acted in over 1100 films, pornos included. It makes me wonder how much non-porno work he’s done, but I really don’t want to filter through it all. But needless to say his presence was almost needed to give this movie any real umph.
All in all it was a good time killer, but I would strongly recommend staying away from it unless you actually like porno, because the topic comes up a lot. A LOT!
Base Score = 6
+1 for the Orgazmarador
+1 for Ron Jeremy
+1 for stunt cocks
-1 for being rather slow at moments
-1 no female nudity
-1 for seeing a lot of guys asses
=6/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093870/
Since I have already watched RoboCop and RoboCop 2 I thought that I might as well torture myself and get the trilogy over with. I really now wish that I would never have turned it on, but it’s too late for that.
Just like the 2nd one I expected this one to be a hell of a lot worse than the first 2. And boy I was actually right this time. I found it really hard to watch the movie itself. I was constantly finding myself doing other things, like playing with my phone, walking over to my computer to check my emails really quickly, and then forgetting that I was trying to watch a movie. That’s never a good sign. The point of a movie is to keep someone entertained. Now the thing is that I was actually keeping the movie going when the entire time I should have just turned it off. But no, I told myself I was going to watch the trilogy and I did.
The story sucked. The city wants to destroy people’s homes to demolish them to make way for a more advanced city. So what happens when peoples home start getting demolished? They rebel. Guess who sides with the ‘rebellion’? That’s right, good ‘ol Robo, and the police, and other people. It’s like the whole movie was about everyone ganging up on the city. Kind of a weird concept. The cities citizens vs the city. WTF? Who thought of this? On top of that it’s never even once interesting. Its like a 4 year old wrote the script. I was never entertained by it.
Oh yeah and somehow they throw in robot ninja assassins that explode once they die. HOW DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE?!?!?!?!?!? I mean seriously. What were they smoking when they wrote this, not to mention what fucking studio would want this movie made? It’s like they weren’t even trying.
The music was god awful whenever it was on, and honestly I don’t even think that they played more than one song. I think it was the same exact music every time a gun battle started. No joke. They could have at least had more than one fucking song. It was bullshit. And the thing is that you could almost tell when the battle was over because the song was almost over. It was boring.
Did I mention the fact that I would have rather of done something else? Hell I don’t even want to write this review, I just want to forget about the damned thing.
Base Score = 2
-3 for a really really shitty story
-1 for bad music
-1 for wasting my time
-1 for random ninja assassin robot thingies.
=-4/10
=1/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100502/
Ok after watching the first RoboCop I was not expecting much from this one. I did however know that it was inevitably going to be worse than the first one, but honestly it turned out to be just the same.
The intro was again way to long and boring. Also this movie jumped all over the place as far as plotline. There was a bunch of stuff that happened, but it felt more like 3 TV episodes back to back with almost no break. This movie actually had more of a storyline than the first RoboCop but even so it was by no means a good one.
First off there was no central storyline as in there was not a center plot with the exception of crime fighting. First off think about what’s the worst thing that could happen to a crime fighting cyborg. Then you think of it! It gets reprogrammed! Section 1 complete! NEXT! What’s the next worst thing that could happen? The criminals find a way to finally fight it and tear it into pieces. NEXT! Get a bigger cyborg to try and kill it. DONE!
Seriously, it was like the writer(s) could not think of which one to go for, so they chose option D. All of the above. Fucking shoot me. At least it didn’t hop between them all while you’re stuck trying to figure out the timeline of the movie. As I said it was like watching 3 back-to-back TV episodes. They could have done much better.
The make-up was just as good in this one as it was in the first, but it was hardly used. It was mainly stop-motion machine work thanks to the bigger cyborg. The bad part was that you could tell. Yes I know the movie has aged, but even when I was a kid and I watched the first one I could tell at certain points that the movement was wrong and not real. Seeing it nowadays just makes it even worse. But I try to avoid things like that because at the time it was probably the best they could do.
All in all I would be glad if I never saw this film again. Don’t watch it unless you have to do what I am doing and suffering through the Trilogy so that you can finally sell it without remorse.
Base Score = 4
-1 for no central plot
+1 for make-up
-1 for basically making 3 TV episodes.
=3/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093870/
Every once in a while I get the urge to watch an old cult classic. This time I have no idea why RoboCop came to mind but the last time I saw it I was a child and honestly the only thing I remembered about it was that his gun came out of his thigh. I thought that it might be time to brush up on the ways of RoboCop.
I am actually dreading the fact that I told myself that I am going to watch the trilogy after seeing this one film. It’s not terrible mind you; it’s just really not worth watching again for a long long long long long long long long long time again, like when I completely forget everything about it all over again.
Now the storyline is not that great. It’s interesting enough to not want to turn it off, but if really never gets better than that. It’s about a cop who gets transferred to a really high crime rate city and he basically gets turned into swiss cheese and then scientists pick him up, robotify him and then he sets out on revenge.
Seriously that’s the story. It’s that simple, it never gets better than that paragraph right up there. I will say that the makeup was insane though. Even for its time I had a hard time figuring out (once he took his helmet off) where the actors face was, and how the hell they got the back part of his head recessed. It bothers me how convincing it is even being over 20 years old. Great job on the make up.
The acting was terrible through and through, well one guy did a great job, Kurtwood Smith or as most of you know, Red from That 70’s Show. He was the only convincing actor in the entire movie, the rest of them suck. And by suck I mean I’ve had better bowel movements than these people performed. Hell compared to some of the actors my movements were musical in nature. Bad analogy, I’m sorry, but still it feels just like that.
All in all I can see where some people would love this movie. I am one of the people that stand on the neutral line, but I would rather have done something else.
Base Score = 5
-1 for bad acting
-1for bad story
+1 for Kurtwood Smith being this movies only saving grace
=4/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1230414/
Now this one caught me completely by surprise. I knew going into it that I was going to love it before it even started. Something I should always be wary of. It seems to be in my case that if I love a movie before I see it, I end up hating it. This was completely not true of this film.
It was one of those movies that seemed like it was never going to end, however not in a bad way. It was on the contrary something that I didn’t want to end it was so good.
Honestly though, what do you expect when you mix Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin in the same film? FUCKING GOLD! Whoever was the casting person thingy did such an amazing job that I want to give them a blowjob. No joke. There is really no way you can ever get a better cast than this. I have never been so convinced in my life that this was not a true story and someone was following a family around with a camera. It was that real. I have been so convinced of it in my whole life.
The only actor that actually caught me off guard on how good he was, not to mention essential to the film itself was John Krasinski. I laughed and cried and was gleeful almost the entire time that he was on stage. His part came straight out of nowhere and I am so glad that they put him in.
The plot is well, I hate to use the title of the film, but it was complicated. It’s not at all complicated when you are watching the movie because it flows well from one event to the next. It’s extremely easy to follow, but when you try to explain it to someone else it’s nearly impossible. Any attempt to actually try and explain it would just make it sound terrible. Just know that it is awesome. I never expected it to be that good.
I may be cutting this short, but I’m telling you that it was well worth you time to watch this. I wouldn’t exactly call it a chick flick either. It was well enjoyed by me and what seemed like every other guy in the theatre.
Base score = 8
+1 for Meryl Streep
+1 for Alec Baldwin
+1 for Steve Martin
+1 for John Krasinski
+1 for amazing acting all around
+1 for “Home Sweet Home”
=14/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1092633/
This is one of those movies that a numerous amount of my friends told me to watch, like grab me by the collar, pull me within inches of their faces and scream at me that I must watch it.
So I awaited the release of it on DVD and started watching. BEST INTRO I have seen in a long fucking time. In less than a minute I was laughing hysterically and the crazy intro just kept on going. I could not stop laughing. It was so funny that it actually hurt to laugh after a while, and that was all in less than 10 minutes of watching the movie.
Now I will admit that it didn’t hold onto that insane amount of comedy, it defiantly had its moments, but for the most part it calmed down after that. The story was actually interesting. It was not something of the usual cut and paste of Hollywood. Then again it’s an indie film, but even so it was surprisingly good, indie or not. I don’t really want to ruin it because it was very worth watching, and I want to do the same thing to other people who haven’t seen it yet, just grab them by the collar and scream.
Even so the story never lets up. It’s almost like the snowball effect it starts off awesome, keeps on rolling and then doesn’t stop until it hits the end.
The other thing that got to me was the acting. There were some who were awesome, and others that were so-so. It was interesting actually. But the two who really stood out to me were Jeremey Piven and Kathryn Hahn. I did not even know who Hahn was until this movie. then I went and looked at her IMDb page and was actually shocked at how many movies that she has been in that I have seen.
All in all this movie will be well worth you time. I would easily have bought this film if I didn’t decide to rent it first. The comedy alone is worth it.
Base Score = 7
+2 for an amazing opening
-1 for a crappy soundtrack
=8/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1225822/
So I saw that this was new DVD release and I thought. “huh, I’ll give it a try.” Bad mistake and a good thing that I only rented it.
I can honestly say that there were 2 things that drew me into this movie, and one of them should have been a dead giveaway that it would suck. Look at the cover art. “From the creators of Office Space” anything that references a movie that is epic beyond possibilities means that its nothing more than a Cleveland steamer. I should have listened to that part of me, but no. I saw the cute girl, Mila Kunis and decided that there was no way it was that bad. Stupid male mind.
But here’s the other thing that threw me off. The beginning was awesome! Like it makes you want to sit down and watch the rest of it awesome. It turns out that the beginning was the only good part. I laughed at the beginning and one other scene during this 92 minute crap fest. And one of them wasn’t even about the movie itself, but about the fact that Gene Simmons, aka lead singer of Kiss, was in it. I laughed at that.
The one thing I knew I was going to hate going into this movie though was the fact that it had Jason Bateman in it. I fucking hate Jason Bateman for the simple fact that he plays the same exact character in every movie. Seriously, show me a movie where he acts differently (and its convincing different) and I will retract this statement. I flat out cannot stand him. My hatred is about the same for Bateman as it is for Nicholas Cage.
****SPOILER ALERT****
As far as the story goes it’s pretty weak. It barely even gives the writer a chance to make comedy out of it. I mean think about it. Bateman owns factory. Company wants to buy out factory. Accident happens in factory. Company is sketchy about buying factory because of legal obligations. A hot temp girl comes along (Kunis). Bateman wants to have an affair, so he pays a gigolo to screw his wife so he doesn’t feel guilty. He ends up not selling the factory. End of story.
SEARIOUSLY! WTF! There’s barely anything there to keep the movie going more or less it’s supposed to be a comedy. Do you think that you could make a comedy out of it? Because I know that there is no way I could make that funny.
****END SPOILER****
I expected at least to laugh at more than just the intro. I wasn’t expecting comedic gold like Office Space had, but I was expecting something. I can honestly say that the music did not even catch my ear at all. It sucked also.
All in all if you must see this movie than watch the first 20 minutes and turn it off. It’s not worth your time. However if you want my even more honest opinion, destroy the disk before you even put it in so that you can save yourself and others from the agony you are about to impale upon yourself.
Base Score = 3
+1 for Mila Kunis
+1 for Gene Simmons
-2 for Jason Bateman
-1 for crappy story
+1 for a good intro
-1 for not really being a comedy
=2/10
